I bet there are times when you've just had it with the whining/bickering/talking back. When you can't take one more "He touched me!" The arched-back temper tantrum in the middle of Costco has you pulling your hair out! Your child forgot something even though you've repeated a hundred times "Don't forget your (insert coat, backpack, homework, etc. here)!" At the point of anger, it's easy to overlook the message the child is sending...
"I want to be loved the most when I'm acting the most unloveable."
Ahhh, a cry for attention. And yes there are situations which call for denying that attention. But you have a CHOICE to react positively or negatively, keeping in mind that anger adds fuel to the fire.
In heated moments, remain calm and reassure your child I LOVE YOU. It is those times that they most need to hear it and probably the time you feel least able to say it! If you can manage, try "Listen, I love you like crazy and think we should talk about this in a few minutes once we've both calmed down." It's ok for parents to step away and take a time out. Children might even be intrigued if you say "I'm putting myself in time out so I can think about how to handle this." You'll come back refreshed and prepared to discipline with love instead of out of anger. And you are teaching your child a valuable lesson "I am loved NO MATTER WHAT."
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