10 Second Tip

Allow children to take breaks. Heck, plan for it! If you sense a meltdown coming on, it's possible that a light snack or change of pace will keep tantrums at bay. Sometimes we forget to slow down and take care of ourselves too, which ultimately makes or breaks our tolerance levels!

Don't Take Away Hope

#6 Don't take away hope. Don't prepare for disappointment.

Children NEED their dreams. You might say "What does this have to do with their sense of independence?" but a child with a dream aspires to do what it takes to get there and make it happen. A child with a dream has motivation.

Maybe your child is a tad tone deaf and dreams of becoming a singer. Instead of dashing those dreams "Don't get your hopes up. There are a lot of talented voices out there," go with a response that speaks of something positive they DO display like "You'd have an awesome stage presence." Besides, dreams don't always live forever. I no longer want to be a ballerina. In fact, I never even took ballet. My parents gave me the ultimate gift of feeling like I could be successful at whatever I tried my hand at.

Our goal is self-governing people who CAN separate from us and function, living positive and happy lives no matter what they do!

Encourage Use of Outside Sources

#5 Encourage children to use sources outside the home.
It's ok to ask community members for help. We can seek information in a variety of ways (internet, library, personal experience, teachers, community helpers, professionals, etc.) Children need to be able to be "away" from their parents or caregiver and knowing whom to ask for help brings about confidence and security. Being able to ask for help when needed is huge! Knowing whom to ask is huge!

The result? Children feel empowered, and not completely dependent on us.

For example, a child inquiring about fire safety might be ready for a trip to the local firestation. A child interested in meerkats (C is!) can check out books from the local library. I want C to feel comfortable in certain situations and know when to raise a red flag. Being able to seek help or answers from others is a start.

#6 is big in THEIR minds. Wait for it and I think you'll see what I mean.

Asking Questions, Answering Questions

#3 and #4 refer to asking and answering questions so I've grouped them together.

#3 Don't ask too many questions.
This refers to the child feeling that questions are an invasion of privacy. I don't agree with this altogether, because sometimes asking questions IS necessary for you to gather information.

Try- Instead of a barrage of questions (HOW WAS SCHOOL? DID YOU HAVE ART? WHAT DID YOU MAKE? DO YOU LIKE THE ART TEACHER? HOW ABOUT THE COLOR BLUE?), ask in a way to invoke thought and response. There are going to be times children simply don't want to engage and that's OK! Anything that might invoke a response beyond YES or NO goes!

"Tell me something you enjoyed about your day..."

"Oh I see you had art today. How did that go?"

"You seem upset. I'm hear to listen if you need to talk about it..."

"I'd like to hear how your day went..."

"I'm interested in what you did at recess today..."

#4 Don't rush to answer questions.
Give children the opportunity to explore the answers to their own questions. Sometimes a pause or "Tell me what you think" goes a long way!

Stay tuned as #5 is tomorrow.

Give Information, Engage Cooperation

#2 Give information.
Giving information allows children to see for themselves what needs to be done. Giving information is just one of the ways to engage a child's cooperation:

a) DESCRIBE WHAT YOU SEE OR DESCRIBE THE PROBLEM.
"There are toys in the walkway."

b) GIVE INFORMATION.
"Someone might step on these toys and get hurt."

c) SAY IT WITH A WORD.
"The toys."

d) DESCRIBE WHAT YOU FEEL.
"I don't like tripping on toys."

e) WRITE A NOTE.
Please put me away so I'm safe from people's feet. Thanks, Your Toys

#3 and #4 coming tomorrow!

Encouraging Independence - Help Children Help Themselves

One of the books I've encountered since entering this field that I have a lot of praise for is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

This book gives fantastic information on communication; I'm particularly partial to the section about encouraging children's sense of autonomy because I think it portrays my vision of what a parent and teacher can accomplish by NOT doing things for a child.

1. Help children to help themselves.
*Are we helping a child more by TELLING them how to put on a coat, or SHOWING them how to do it and then letting them try? If I put C's coat on for him, I took away a learning experience. When we let a little bit of struggle happen, learning is taking place. The child gets pride in accomplishment AND the courage to persist the next time. If I put C's coat on for him, I took away a learning experience.

See tomorrow's post for #2!

Character Qualities

I've decided that as part of my curriculum I'd like to explore character qualities. The depth to which I can explore them will depend on the age group I ultimately end up with, but I feel that we can all benefit from examining that which builds a person's character. If I have toddlers, I will probably focus on one quality per month. Similarly, if I have preschoolers I would focus on one quality per month but they may differ slightly. It would look something like this, order TBD.

TODDLER
1. SELF-CONTROL (turn-taking, sharing, waiting in line, patience)
2. HONESTY (tell the truth, accept responsibility)
3. LOVE (being accepting, giving, caring)
4. FLEXIBILITY (able to adjust to change)
5. RESPECT (good manners, help others, listen to adults, kind words)
6. SENSITIVITY (understanding feelings, aware of emotions in self and others)
7. RESPONSIBILITY (good choices, accept consequences, good listener)
8. GENTLENESS (show personal care and concern, speak and act kindly)
9. SECURITY (what/who makes me feel safe and secure)
10. PERSEVERANCE (try, learn, work hard, be determined)
11. GRATEFULNESS (be thankful for what you have, give thanks)
12. FAIRNESS (share, take turns, cooperate, appreciate differences)

PRESCHOOLER
1. RESPONSIBILITY (good choices, accept consequences, good listener)
2. COMPASSION (be kind, helpful, considerate)
3. RESPECT (good manners, help others, listen to adults, kind words)
4. TRUSTWORTHINESS (be dependable, keep promises, tell the truth)
5. FAIRNESS (share, take turns, cooperate, appreciate differences)
6. ORDERLINESS (organized, thorough, time-aware)
7. CITIZENSHIP (be a good classmate/friend, respect the rules, do your best)
8. SELF-DISCIPLINE (do a good job, respectful words, best use of time)
9. HONESTY (tell the truth, accept responsibility)
10. INTEGRITY (be loyal, be your best, doing the right thing)
11. INITIATIVE (recognizing and doing what needs to be done before being asked)
12. TOLERANCE (accepting others)

Toddler Property Laws

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.

On Loving When Loving Gets Tough

I bet there are times when you've just had it with the whining/bickering/talking back. When you can't take one more "He touched me!" The arched-back temper tantrum in the middle of Costco has you pulling your hair out! Your child forgot something even though you've repeated a hundred times "Don't forget your (insert coat, backpack, homework, etc. here)!" At the point of anger, it's easy to overlook the message the child is sending...

"I want to be loved the most when I'm acting the most unloveable."

Ahhh, a cry for attention. And yes there are situations which call for denying that attention. But you have a CHOICE to react positively or negatively, keeping in mind that anger adds fuel to the fire.

In heated moments, remain calm and reassure your child I LOVE YOU. It is those times that they most need to hear it and probably the time you feel least able to say it! If you can manage, try "Listen, I love you like crazy and think we should talk about this in a few minutes once we've both calmed down." It's ok for parents to step away and take a time out. Children might even be intrigued if you say "I'm putting myself in time out so I can think about how to handle this." You'll come back refreshed and prepared to discipline with love instead of out of anger. And you are teaching your child a valuable lesson "I am loved NO MATTER WHAT."

Parenting a Prosocial Child

Ways to encourage Helping, Sharing, and Caring behaviors in your child

1. Children are the best copycats! Model caring behaviors for your child. Help other people out of the kindness of your heart and let the child participate when possible.

2. Make time for group play, whether it be a planned play date or casual interaction at the local playground. Play time is a perfect opportunity to develop social skills- making new friends, sharing, teamwork, starting and holding conversations, manners and more.

3. Label feelings & emotions expressed during play. Feelings are complicated! By putting a name to a feeling, the child gains some control over the emotion and may eventually be able to say “That makes me jealous!”

4. Help the child see how their behavior affects others. Ask “How do you think Margie feels when you color on her paper?”

5. During a social conflict, involve the child or children involved in problem solving. Gather ideas and examine how each might resolve the problem at hand, pick one together and proceed!

6. Giving the child age-appropriate chores will give them a sense of contribution to the household.

7. We all make mistakes. Let the child see you make apologies. Apologize to your children too. They are learning forgiveness.

8. Be gracious. Count your blessings together. Send Thank You notes. Show appreciation to the people around you for what they do.

9. Point out facial expressions in illustrations of books you read together. Talk about what feelings it might be expressing as well as what might make the character feel better. The child gets the benefit of gaining “emotional scripts” through reading, something they can act out next time they need the skill.

10. Praise your child’s acts of empathy, or attempts at such. Praise is powerful!

Using a Visual Schedule

This is a visual schedule I created to show a bedtime routine. Cards can be flipped over once completed.

Q: Why do we use visual schedules?
A:
1. To reduce anxiety/frustration! In order to communicate successfully, we need to know what is expected of us. Young children especially thrive on predictability!
2. Provide motivation to work through a less favored activity knowing a favored one follows.
3. To promote independent behavior.
4. To teach skills required for daily learning.
5. To reduce the possibility that challenging behaviors will occur.
6. To reinforce time organization and sequential memory.

Q: Who benefits from using a visual schedule?
A: Almost everyone can benefit. Consider the child’s ability to UNDERSTAND rather than the ability to speak. A visual schedule is especially important to children that may have difficulty understanding oral language and directions. Children with autism show strengths in the areas of rote memory and understanding visual information.

Q: How do I indicate changes on a visual schedule?
A: Once is in place, stick to the schedule as much as possible. If life interferes, return to the schedule as soon as possible. If a change must be made, a question mark can indicate a new activity.

A visual schedule should be:
Left to right, as in reading or top to bottom
Child manipulated
At least two items at a time so children learn events aren’t isolated but happen in sequence
Taught and practiced
Used with consistency

Most of us learn objects and actions through the following common levels of abstraction
Actual objects and actions
Photographs of objects and actions
Black and white line drawings of objects and actions
Written words which describe objects and actions

Use whatever makes the connection for the individual, decreasing the level of abstraction if the individual seems confused or frustrated.

When designing, ask:
1. Will the child understand or recognize the pictures or words?
2. Is the activity represented by the visual schedule obvious to the child?
3. Can the schedule be made clearer by the use of words, more images, or objects?
4. Does the child know and have available the tools required to successfully complete the activity?

Crossing the Midline - Exercise Those Brains!

Physical activity is what gets blood flowin' and brains a goin'. Imagine a line going from the top of your head, down the center of your face, down through your belly button, the entire length of your body. That's the midline. Since the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body and vice-versa, when arms and legs cross over, we are forcing both sides of the brain to communicate.

When children need their brains energized or refocused, do an activity in which they cross the midline.

Crawling- The kind babies do where the hand and opposite leg move together.

Windmills- Spread feet apart. Extend arms. Bend over at waist and tap right hand to left foot. Raise back up and tap left hand to right foot.

Elbow Tap- With arms at sides, raise one leg up and touch it to the opposite elbow. Switch!

Dance- With streamers or ribbons.

Dance Moves- Mark the children's midlines with painter's tape and challenge them to come up with a dance move that crosses the body.

Simon Says or Follow the Leader

More: http://make-the-grade-ot.com/Midline%20Crossing%20Activities.html

Cheers!

I think it's important that we say "Good job" to children in many different ways. It can grow old to hear the same thing many times over! For example, when someone asks "How are you?" and you respond "I'm fine." You're probably so used to hearing that question it gets the generic response. Lame, right? Try responding with how you REALLY feel and you might get a whole different response. Next time you see positive behavior, reward it with a new cheer. Do it together. Invoke a whole new response and sense of pride for a job well done!

The following cards are printable and portable. You might find other ways to use them as well, for example, when you are waiting with your child for something unpleasant like a dentist appointment.

http://www.drjean.org/html/monthly_act/act_2004/06_june/06_2004_pdf.html

P.S. C loves "Firecracker" and "Hip - Hip - Hooray!"