Don't Take Away Hope

#6 Don't take away hope. Don't prepare for disappointment.

Children NEED their dreams. You might say "What does this have to do with their sense of independence?" but a child with a dream aspires to do what it takes to get there and make it happen. A child with a dream has motivation.

Maybe your child is a tad tone deaf and dreams of becoming a singer. Instead of dashing those dreams "Don't get your hopes up. There are a lot of talented voices out there," go with a response that speaks of something positive they DO display like "You'd have an awesome stage presence." Besides, dreams don't always live forever. I no longer want to be a ballerina. In fact, I never even took ballet. My parents gave me the ultimate gift of feeling like I could be successful at whatever I tried my hand at.

Our goal is self-governing people who CAN separate from us and function, living positive and happy lives no matter what they do!

Encourage Use of Outside Sources

#5 Encourage children to use sources outside the home.
It's ok to ask community members for help. We can seek information in a variety of ways (internet, library, personal experience, teachers, community helpers, professionals, etc.) Children need to be able to be "away" from their parents or caregiver and knowing whom to ask for help brings about confidence and security. Being able to ask for help when needed is huge! Knowing whom to ask is huge!

The result? Children feel empowered, and not completely dependent on us.

For example, a child inquiring about fire safety might be ready for a trip to the local firestation. A child interested in meerkats (C is!) can check out books from the local library. I want C to feel comfortable in certain situations and know when to raise a red flag. Being able to seek help or answers from others is a start.

#6 is big in THEIR minds. Wait for it and I think you'll see what I mean.

Asking Questions, Answering Questions

#3 and #4 refer to asking and answering questions so I've grouped them together.

#3 Don't ask too many questions.
This refers to the child feeling that questions are an invasion of privacy. I don't agree with this altogether, because sometimes asking questions IS necessary for you to gather information.

Try- Instead of a barrage of questions (HOW WAS SCHOOL? DID YOU HAVE ART? WHAT DID YOU MAKE? DO YOU LIKE THE ART TEACHER? HOW ABOUT THE COLOR BLUE?), ask in a way to invoke thought and response. There are going to be times children simply don't want to engage and that's OK! Anything that might invoke a response beyond YES or NO goes!

"Tell me something you enjoyed about your day..."

"Oh I see you had art today. How did that go?"

"You seem upset. I'm hear to listen if you need to talk about it..."

"I'd like to hear how your day went..."

"I'm interested in what you did at recess today..."

#4 Don't rush to answer questions.
Give children the opportunity to explore the answers to their own questions. Sometimes a pause or "Tell me what you think" goes a long way!

Stay tuned as #5 is tomorrow.

Give Information, Engage Cooperation

#2 Give information.
Giving information allows children to see for themselves what needs to be done. Giving information is just one of the ways to engage a child's cooperation:

a) DESCRIBE WHAT YOU SEE OR DESCRIBE THE PROBLEM.
"There are toys in the walkway."

b) GIVE INFORMATION.
"Someone might step on these toys and get hurt."

c) SAY IT WITH A WORD.
"The toys."

d) DESCRIBE WHAT YOU FEEL.
"I don't like tripping on toys."

e) WRITE A NOTE.
Please put me away so I'm safe from people's feet. Thanks, Your Toys

#3 and #4 coming tomorrow!

Encouraging Independence - Help Children Help Themselves

One of the books I've encountered since entering this field that I have a lot of praise for is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

This book gives fantastic information on communication; I'm particularly partial to the section about encouraging children's sense of autonomy because I think it portrays my vision of what a parent and teacher can accomplish by NOT doing things for a child.

1. Help children to help themselves.
*Are we helping a child more by TELLING them how to put on a coat, or SHOWING them how to do it and then letting them try? If I put C's coat on for him, I took away a learning experience. When we let a little bit of struggle happen, learning is taking place. The child gets pride in accomplishment AND the courage to persist the next time. If I put C's coat on for him, I took away a learning experience.

See tomorrow's post for #2!

First Day - a poem for mothers of kindergarteners

I left my last baby at kindergarten today. It's a bittersweet moment for me as it also marks the end of my time as a stay-at-home-mom. I want to share this poem for those of you saying a tearful good-bye to preschoolers and embarking on a new journey with your kindergartener!

First Day

Every one has a "First Day"

when they feel sad and all alone.

It can be so scary

when you're out on your own.

Take my hankie, dry your tears.

You'll find lots of things to do

and you'll probably make new friends.

I promise we'll be together

when the school day ends.

Here comes the teacher,

blow your nose and be brave.

Come on now wipe your eyes,

this is no way to behave.

"Well, good morning teacher.

We really must beg your pardon.

No, MOMMY doesn't always act this way.

But it's my first day of....KINDERGARTEN!"

5 Essential Rules for Stranger Safety

I ran across this article in Parents magazine January 2009 issue but now is a good time to review it. Many of us are sending preschool graduates out into the big wide world this school year! If you don't know exactly what to say when it comes to strangers, this is a must-read.

Security Check: 5 Rules for Stranger Safety

Cover a Sneeze!

Use a squirt bottle and pretend to "sneeze," spraying your captive audience. Whoever got wet now has your germs! Next demonstrate a "sneeze" into the crook of your arm or covered with your hand. Did your child get your germs that time? Nope, you've trapped them.

Bless you!

Clever Clean-Up

**When outdoor toys get grungy and grimy, provide a bucket of warm soapy water with a sponge and a hose. When cleaning up is presented in a fun way, it no longer feels like work.**

Spilt Milk

**Don't cry over spilt milk, or other spills for that matter. Encourage independence by proving a dish of soapy water, a sponge, and some paper towels for easy clean up. Praise your child's efforts!**